Losing a pet can be difficult. And so it can be challenging to know the right words to help someone who is grieving the loss of their cat, dog, or other cherished animal. It can be even more tricky when you have not experienced pet loss yourself before. So, we have created a guide with tips and things to consider when trying to comfort a grieving pet owner.
Where to start
Choosing the right words to say to someone grieving a pet loss can seem daunting. It can be difficult to know where to start. Below we have outlined some topics to consider when choosing your words.
Let them know you are there for them
Grief can often be an isolating and lonely experience. One of the first things you can do to help a grieving pet owner is to let them know that you are there for them.
It can be easy to get hung up on what to say, and many may not bother saying anything out of fear of saying the wrong thing. However, it is important not to underestimate how much a simple call or text can mean during a difficult time.
Offer condolences and words of comfort
Whether you are close to the pet owner, or a casual acquaintance, condolences are always appreciated. This can be a heartfelt message or as simple as “I am sorry for your loss.” The choice is up to you and can be easily tailored based on your pet and pet-owner relationship.
Condolences can also be provided in a variety of ways. Of course, many would appreciate an in-person visit. However, a call, text, or social media message are great options. Sending a card, flowers, or a gift in the mail are also nice gestures.
When choosing what to say, a good rule of thumb is to keep it short and general, especially if you’re going to send the message virtually. Some things to say or send in a card include:
- “I am sorry for your loss.”
- “Thinking about you and [Pet name] during this time.”
- “[Pet name] was a great pet, and he/she will be missed.”
- “I will keep you in my thoughts (or prayers).”
- “I can’t imagine how much you miss [Pet name]. Know I am here for you if you need anything.”
Quotes related to pets or pet loss can also be great for those having trouble figuring out what to say. Some examples include:
- “Until one has loved an animal, a part of one’s soul remains unawakened.” – Anatole France.
- “A pet is never truly forgotten until it is no longer remembered.” – Lacie Petitto.
- “I loved you your whole life. I’ll miss you for the rest of mine.” – Unknown.
- “A companion is gone, but the memory lives on.” – Unknown.
- “Dogs are not our whole lives, but they make our lives whole.” – Roger Caras.
- “All the love you ever gave is waiting for you there at rainbow bridge.” – Kat McGahan.
Reminisce about their pet
Although some might think that talking about the deceased pet may come across as insensitive, there is often a lot of comfort in reminiscing. It is nice to remember the good times you and your loved one had with the pet and how much joy they brought into your lives. Looking at old pictures and videos can also be nice. Reminiscing is often a bittersweet experience, but it can be an excellent way to bring some joy at a rough time.
When reminiscing, it is crucial to follow the lead of the pet owner. If they do not feel comfortable with this approach, it is best to avoid it. Additionally, it is a good idea to keep the conversation more upbeat. Reminiscing is often a bittersweet experience, but it can be a good way to bring some joy at a difficult time.
Offer a helping hand
Another way to help a grieving pet owner is by offering to help them. Offer to cook their favourite meal or run a few errands. You can also help them with after-death plans, such as picking out an urn, planning an event, creating a memorial slideshow, etc.
When a person is grieving, it can be difficult for them to get simple tasks done or find it challenging to handle basic chores. It is also common to retreat during difficult times. So offering support can be very helpful and make them feel loved.
Offer sympathy
If you are still having trouble finding the right words, simply listening can be very beneficial.
Losing a pet brings up a lot of emotions that can be hard to express. Additionally, sometimes people who have not lost a pet have trouble understanding the grief a person is experiencing. This can cause some people to avoid expressing their thoughts and feelings out of fear of judgment. So providing a space to vent those emotions can be therapeutic.
What not to say when someone loses a pet
In most cases, anything you say to someone grieving the loss of their furry friends will be appreciated, especially if they are said with good intentions. However, there are certain things that you should try to avoid when doing so. These include:
- Cliches. Avoid phrases such as “Everything happens for a reason” or “Things will get better with time.” Although some may find comfort in these statements, they may also come across as insensitive, especially when the death was recent.
- Spiritual or religious references. This includes things like “This is part of God’s plan” or “It was his/her time.” This can come across as disingenuous to those with different beliefs. Additionally, many religions do not believe that pets have a soul or afterlife, so making religious references can occur as insensitive in some cases.
- Focusing inward. The death of a pet will often affect others close to the pet or the pet owner. Additionally, many have lost a pet of their own and can relate to how it feels. However, everyone processes and handles death differently, so what you find comforting may not be comforting to others. Therefore, it is best to avoid focusing on yourself or comparing experiences.
- Policing how someone feels or acts. It can be difficult for someone who has not had or lost a pet to relate to someone grieving a pet loss. Similarly, some are not as attached to their pets as others may be. So their reactions to the death may appear dramatic or silly. However, regardless of your feelings toward the situation, it is important not to invalidate someone else’s feelings.
- Asking insensitive questions. Don’t ask, “when are you going to get another pet?” or “don’t you think [pet name] would want you to have another pet.”